Have you ever wondered why you can handle a stressful situation one day, but the next day something small leaves you feeling completely overwhelmed? Simply put, your resilience, coping skills and capacity are impacted by your window of tolerance. 

The window of tolerance is the emotional zone where your nervous system is able to manage stress while you can still think clearly, stay connected, and respond rather than simply react. When you’re within your window of tolerance, you can experience stress, frustration, sadness, or anxiety without becoming completely overwhelmed. You can identify and use problem solving skills, communicate effectively and regulate emotions. 

The fact is, stress, feelings of overwhelm and environmental factors (such as fatigue, hunger or loneliness) can move us outside of our window of tolerance. When you move above your window (the state of hyperarousal), you might notice anxiety, irritability, racing thoughts, panic, anger, restlessness, or feeling constantly “on edge.” When you move below your window (the state of hypoarousal), you may feel exhausted, numb, disconnected, unmotivated, shut down, or want to withdraw from everything around you.

How to Get Back Into Your Window of Tolerance

As nice as it would be to remain inside of your window of tolerance all the time, that is simply not realistic. Stress and feeling difficult emotions are part of being human. Instead, developing ways to notice when you have moved outside of your window of tolerance can help you gain a better understanding of your emotions through naming them, noticing what’s happening and understanding what helps your nervous system settle.

The best place to start is by observing what we call somatic responses. Those are clues that our bodies give us when we are stressed. This could mean shallow breathing, clenching your jaw, feeling butterflies in your stomach, sweating or feeling the signs of a headache. Rather than soldiering on and ignoring these responses, listen to the cues your body is sending you and engage in some resetting. You might try:

• slowing down your breathing
• going for a walk or moving your body
• grounding yourself through your five senses
• taking a break from an overwhelming situation
• talking with someone you trust
• reducing stimulation for a few minutes

Taking an ever-so-brief moment to ask yourself “What do I need right now?” can create a helpful pause between feeling overwhelmed and reacting. We call this putting some space between your feelings and your reactions. This space will give you the opportunity to  make a decision on your next course of action. Ultimately, this pause can empower you to acknowledge your feelings, but change the ways in which you manage them and your next course of action.. 

Everyone has different definitions of what they believe to be stressful, as well as ways to manage stress. Even if you have identified effective stress management skills, changes in your life, such as getting a new job, becoming a parent or losing a loved one can impact your ability to identify stressors. And to add insult to injury, the skills you have used to manage stress previously may no longer work. Therapy can help you recognize the situations that push you outside your window of tolerance and develop practical strategies for managing stress, anxiety and emotional overwhelm. It can help you examine your strengths and empower you to develop a sense of self awareness of your emotions and become more confident in how you respond when you are outside of your window of tolerance. 

At Maratos Counselling & Consulting, we provide psychotherapy for adults, teens and couples in Brantford and virtually across Ontario. Our approach focuses on helping you better understand yourself, develop practical coping skills, and feel more confident navigating the difficult moments of everyday life.

Want to better understand your own window of tolerance?

Download our Window of Tolerance Clues Guide, a simple tool to help you recognize the signs that you may be moving outside your window of tolerance and identify strategies that can help you slow down, ground, move and reconnect.

Understanding your own patterns can make it easier to notice what is happening in the moment and choose what you need before stress or emotional overwhelm takes over.