Finding Motivation Through the Brain Fog: Managing Low Executive Function Days
Over the past couple of years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many folks experiencing executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction can accompany various psychological conditions or injuries; and the reality is, many of us will face some degree of executive dysfunction in our lives (1). Executive functions include our ability to self-regulate, plan and prioritize, and manage working memory, among others. Working memory is simply our brain’s ability to hold different information at one time. Think of executive functions as the managers in the front of your brain that work together to get things done.
Many of the clients I support live with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and corresponding executive function challenges. But don’t let the name deceive you. ADHD is more about challenges with self-regulation than attention and focus (2) . People with ADHD also experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) at a higher rate than the general population; even more so for women (3). Depressive symptoms can also contribute to executive dysfunction, making this time of year especially challenging for many.
Periods of executive dysfunction can negatively affect motivation and self-regulation, which can impact our ability to work, take care of things at home, and even impair relationships. And because January is known as the most depressing month of the year, I have gathered some strategies I often use with my clients to cope with periods of low executive function and take care of ourselves the best we can.
- Ease perfectionism — your efforts are enough, especially on hard days. Perfectionism and shame work in a loop; fortunately, this loop can be disrupted by practicing self-compassion and awareness. Perfectionistic tendencies and shame can wreak havoc on motivation and often stops us in our tracks before we even start! Learn more about perfectionism and shame here, and self-compassion here.
- Feed your brain and body efficiently. Our appetite and ability to feed ourselves often suffer on difficult days. Don’t make these days any more difficult than they need to be! Coming up with efficient go-to systems for hard days can include low effort foods that are easy to prepare (bonus points if it’s prep-free!) and don’t require a lot of energy to consume. Consider working with a dietician who works specifically with executive dysfunction to create a system that works for you if you need more support in this area.
- Set realistic expectations for yourself using the “one thing” system: if you could do one thing to help you feel better now, what would that be? That one thing is enough for the day if that is all you have the capacity for. What I find works well for many of my clients is making a list. I know, it sounds simple. But gathering the energy to organize your thoughts alone is a daunting task and often keeps us in a state of task paralysis until we are able to make small movements.
- Start using a blank page and write your tasks and/or worries in no particular order.
- Once you have run out of ideas, take a break and come back to it when you discover more things you may have forgotten.
- Later, begin to prioritize what is on your list
- Start with a low effort, rewarding task. This is something you define. For me, it’s starting a load of laundry.
- Once the motivation ball is rolling, task paralysis starts to dissipate and you can begin higher priority tasks.
- Pro-tip: don’t overdo it. Task hyperfocus is real and can deplete our energy quickly. If you aren’t taking breaks, your brain is not recuperating. Use timers if time-blindness is a challenge for you.
The “one-thing” system is individual to you and may not be a list or prioritization. This is where self-awareness comes into play — get to know what works for you and keep track of these systems to keep them working.
- Social support and body-doubling: we tend to withdraw from others when we feel low and unmotivated. Try your best to reach out to a trusted support person who understands how difficult days affect you. Humans are social beings, and sometimes we can gain energy simply by working alongside someone who is engaged in a task. This is also known as body doubling and can be a useful system for low motivation.
- Refuel your dopamine: this is the fun part. Neurochemicals dopamine and norepinephrine play a major role in self-regulation, reward and motivation. It is difficult to find motivation if we can’t experience reward. Thankfully, we can find dopamine in our environment by following a Dopamenu. This system was coined by Jessica McCabe and Eric Tivers and breaks down helpful (and sometimes unhelpful) choices to increase pleasure and reward. The key here is to get to know (here we are at self-awareness again) what activities work best for you and keep track of these things. For help getting started, check out this template.
You may notice that some of these strategies focus on adopting systems rather than changing thoughts. Using systems to change our environment are often very effective if you struggle with executive dysfunction. This list is not exhaustive but should help to get the proverbial ball rolling on days where the ball weighs a tonne. And although the size of the ball may be out of our control, the systems and supports we have behind it can help it feel less heavy.
SAD can seriously impact our lives. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of SAD, please get in touch with your health care provider and mental health clinician. You don’t have to do this alone.
- Barkley, R. The 30 Essential Ideas Every Parent Needs to Know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo
What is Postpartum Rage?
You’ve made it home with your new babe. You’re adjusting to the lifestyle changes and working through the hormones and the new everyday intensity that come along with postpartum life. You’ve possibly heard of “Postpartum Depression”, “Baby Blues” and “Postpartum Anxiety”. The trouble is, none of these searches online or discussions with your friends and loved ones fit the bill of what you are experiencing.
Maybe you’re feeling tired, a little sad, and worried about your new baby. You are told over and over this is the “average postpartum” experience, but you know there is something more happening for you. You are struggling to feel understood, wrestling with feelings of guilt and are worried about what all of this means for you and your baby.
So What the Heck is Normal Then?
If you are being honest with yourself, the hardest feelings to acknowledge are the intense feelings of frustration, anger and even rage. Sometimes toward your partner. Sometimes toward your family. And sometimes the frustration is toward yourself or little one. Your patience may be shorter. You’re not parenting your other kids like you know you can, or want to. There is a part of you that wants to ask for help, but there is a louder part that feels like no one can look after your baby like you can. You are feeling confused, angry, conflicted and overwhelmed.
You may be feeling hopeless and angry that no one is helping you as you need. Overwhelmed by the dozens of decisions you have to make, and defensive, because you are expected to be an “expert” at something that doesn’t feel second nature to you. You may feel scared to tell someone about this. Intrusive thoughts like, “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “this isn’t normal” fuel guilt and send us into a shame cycle that only furthers our silence. This internal dialogue is eating you up. Not to mention the worry about what others would think of you if they knew the truth.
Research has shown over and over again that the sooner we can support mom, the better we can protect and nurture the well-being of baby and the family. Experiencing a shift in your ability to manage your emotions, care for yourself, or recognize a change in your motivation or interests is scary. You are not alone in this, and you are not to blame.
Anger is an emotion just like any other emotion. It is inherently neither good or bad, it just is. It is important to abandon traditional notions of labelling our emotions either positive or negative. This will help you lean into the emotion and really feel it, free of the judgement that comes with labels. How we experience, process and communicate the emotion is where the skill comes in. The key here is in recognizing when the anger is more intense and less controllable than how you would normally experience anger.
Try this quick Anger Self Check to better understand what you are feeling right now.
Anger Self Check:
How often did you feel anger 6 months ago?
How often do you experience it now?
How did you manage your anger 6 months ago?
How do you manage it now?
How would you describe your anger? (ie. explosive, always boiling just under the surface, surprising, etc.)
Do you feel like you are constantly angered by things that might have only annoyed you before?
If there has been a shift in your level of anger from 6 months ago to now, you could most likely benefit from connecting with someone whom you trust for support.
Postpartum anger or rage can be a symptom of depression or anxiety, as well as OCD and trauma (PTSD). For some women, heightened symptoms of anger may be different enough from their norm to be considered a red flag. For others, the experience of postpartum rage can feel abnormal and frightening.
What is Postpartum Rage?
– Reacting quickly and passionately over small things (like a spilled drink)
– Heart races and blood pressure rises when you start to get upset
– You cannot stop thinking bad thoughts about someone who wronged you
– Feeling violent urges or imagining doing something violent to yourself or someone else
– Screaming or swearing
– Punching or throwing things
– Unable to “snap out of it” and needing someone else to intervene
– Inability to remember everything that happened during the outburst of rage
– Immediately feeling regret or a flood of emotions afterwards (Rapisarda, 2018)
Postpartum anger or rage is an emotional reaction that is often overlooked. Culturally, it is easier for women to discuss feeling sad than to talk about anger, which is why few women report it, and why there is limited research on it (Ou, 2018). Normalizing the conversation about postpartum mental health is a step in the right direction. Taking the risk to be vulnerable with those who are close to you will help you put words to these feelings and to receive support. It does get easier, the more you share and simply unload.
A study by Ou (2018), found 3 common themes for women experiencing postnatal depression:
(i) anger accompanying depression,
(ii) powerlessness as a component of depression and anger, and
(iii) anger occurring as a result of expectations being violated.
In other words, postpartum anger can happen when we experience postpartum depression or anxiety, or, it can happen independently. Postpartum anger can have negative effects on our relationships, our ability to parent, and our ability to take care of ourselves. Considering this, it is no wonder that postpartum anger can leave you feeling constantly overwhelmed.
In addition to our own internal dialogue around mothering and the guilt we may feel as a result of our anger, we may also be dealing with outside sources of information that may cause us to feel guilty, judged or alone. The societal pressure to be the idyllic self-sacrificing mother is harmful and not helpful, further isolating and silencing women. We receive these messages through the media, social media and even our family and friends. Challenging these messages is especially difficult when you are not feeling yourself.
Here are some tips for managing anger that you can apply today.
Tips for Managing Anger in the Moment:
1. Walk away. If you are feeling the anger start to rise and are in a position you can safely move yourself to another room, try to do so.
2. Take a deep breath, count to 10 and back down to 1 before responding
3. Ground yourself. Find a square and with your eyes, follow along the top of the square for 4 seconds as you inhale, down the side for 4 seconds as you hold, along the bottom for 4 seconds as you exhale, and repeat.
4. Communicate. It can feel scary to be vulnerable. Find a safe person you can talk too about what’s going on.
It can feel scary or daunting to ask for help. But remind yourself as big a risk as being vulnerable and opening up about feelings appears to be, the payoff is equally big. Sharing and receiving unconditional support is a gamechanger. If this is something you or someone you know has struggled with, talk to your doctor and connect with someone who can walk with you, nonjudgmentally, as you navigate this chapter. Therapists are the perfect fit for mothers who need support. A supportive, non-judgemental environment that focuses on you and your emotions is what you need to feel the support, understanding and tools to manage. You don’t have to do this alone.
Ou, C. H., & Hall, W. A. (2018). Anger in the context of postnatal depression: An integrative review. Birth, 45(4), 336–346. doi: 10.1111/birt.12356
Rapisarda, V. (2018, May 28). A Mother’s Guide to Postpartum Rage. Retrieved from http://runningintriangles.com/postpartum-rage/Learn More
Counselling vs Coaching Making The Choice that Works for You
You have made the decision to tackle some issues and learn to approach things differently, but as you start to do the research, you come up with a question: “do I need counselling or coaching?” Let’s take a look at the differences between these two supports to help demystify the titles, skills and approaches.
What is coaching?
Coaching is an approach that is designed to help you see clearly where you are today, and then find ways to move forward toward your goals. A good coach will not tell you what to do, but instead will ask thought-provoking questions that will require you to reflect, and ultimately gain clarity on the choices you need to make first to set, then achieve your goals. A coach is a sounding board to help you discover what it is you want to do and how you are going to get there.
What is counselling?
The term counselling is often used interchangeably with the terms therapy and psychotherapy. A qualified counsellor is someone with a Master’s Degree or higher in the field of therapy. A counsellor is trained to assess functioning and development as they apply various therapeutic techniques to create a safe and supportive space for you to explore who you are and what you want in life. A good therapist will help you identify problems, aid in developing skills to manage a mental health concern or diagnosis, provide you support and guidance, identify strengths and ultimately help you improve coping and move forward, rather than allowing past issues to keep you stuck.
Coaches and counsellors are similar because both:
● want to help you find create a life you feel good about
● encourage self-discovery
● can help you identify and work toward life goals
● create an environment of trust, non judgement, and support to help you
identify what is holding you back
● focus around using good listening skills and asking you effective questions
● help you with identifying core beliefs that may limit you, and then focus on challenging this perspective
● help foster resiliency
● want you to find your own answers that will work for you
● help you move forward in your career, relationships, and home life
● have the goal of helping you reach your potential
But here is how they differ:
|Coping Oriented||Action Oriented|
|Helps you recognize what you feel||Helps you recognize what you think|
|Helps you identify and solve problems||Helps you set and achieve goals|
|Will support you with empathy and understanding||Will challenge you frequently|
|May focus on the past||Focuses on the present and future|
|Focuses on acceptance||Focuses on your potential|
|Trained in human development, mental health conditions, family dynamics, sexuality, personality||Trained to identify strengths and barriersand to motivate|
|Can recognize whether a mental health diagnosis or condition is impacting wellbeing||Can recognize whether core beliefs are hindering development|
|Requires a master’s level education with practical placement to develop skills and experience practical experience requirements||Can take training of various lengths and intensity to develop skills, generally with|
|Practices under the guidelines of a Regulating body (a College)||Can register with a non-regulated membership association|
|Receives clinical supervision as part of their work||Does not have supervision requirements|
|Is required to continually take courses to enhance knowledge and skills||May have requirements to complete additional continuing education|
I am going to be honest here. Due to the lack of strict guidelines and regulations governing the field of coaching, individuals should do their due diligence to learn about their potential coach’s education, experience, ongoing training and specialties. It is also important to know whether the coach has the wisdom and professionalism to pass on working with a client because they are not mentally or emotionally well, and as such, are in need of counselling before coaching can begin. A similar warning can apply to therapists too. Just because one has the education, it does not mean that they are qualified to treat all issues, nor do they have the experience you need to feel supported. Asking questions of your provider and assessing fit is key.
What about a counsellor who is ALSO a coach?
Some counsellors integrate coaching approaches into their work. This ‘therapeutic coaching’ includes helping you identify obstacles, set goals, change perspectives, and identify and modify core beliefs. As a therapist who is educated, experienced and who practices both counselling and coaching, I aim to assess my client’s needs and use the approach that best fits with what they want to achieve and how they want to get there. I am up front with my clients in identifying my opinion on which approach will work best for them. I have worked with people who have come to me for coaching, but ultimately realized that some counselling is required before the coaching can begin, or conversely, counselling clients who have achieved therapeutic goals and who are ready for coaching to help them move to the next level.
Whether you choose counselling or coaching depends on your personal preference, but a qualified professional will be able to guide you in the right direction. In general, if you want to focus on what you are dealing with right now, don’t want to probe too deeply into emotional issues, you need help taking actionable steps, and you are in need of guidance as you travel through life stages and changes, coaching may be for you.
If you are ready to think about identifying and breaking patterns of thinking and acting that have been impacting your life for some time, you want to feel heard and understood, you would like to improve your self-esteem and understand yourself, and want to figure out what you want in life and move towards it, counselling might be a good choice.
Remember that the professional you choose needs to appeal to you and be someone you can see yourself connecting with. Aside from training, approaches and skills, both counselling and coaching are far more effective if the communication between you and the professional works for you. It is essential that the environment is open and non-judgemental, and that you feel heard and understood during your work together. Each coach and counsellor will bring with them their own personality and unique way of working with clients. It is essential that the professional you choose is skilled and knowledgeable of the issues facing you and is able to identify when they may not be the right person for the job.
Be a savvy consumer of services. This is your life! Do your research, ask questions, and arrange a meet and greet with your counsellor or coach so you can ensure that you have found a professional who is “your person”, who will guide you as you do the heavy lifting required to fulfill your potential.Learn More
“Am I Depressed?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me”
Through the last two years, we as therapists have noticed an increase in folks who have sought out therapy for the first time in their lives, because “they don’t know what’s wrong”. This has been a refrain for all of us at various times during the pandemic. It is upsetting, frustrating, overwhelming…(all the feels) to not feel like ourselves, and to have no idea how to pull out of it because everything that usually helps does not seem to be working.
When we are feeling unwell and our coping skills are depleted, our minds can spin out of control with “what ifs” around possible chronic mental health issues, diagnoses, dependence on medications and the need for professional intervention. It is a scary reality to think we are stuck and unsure if these feelings will ever relent.
As I sat down to write this blog, I decided to google “Am I depressed or…?” to see what popped up. Here is a small sampling: Am I depressed or sad, lazy, tired, bored, burned out, bipolar? WOW! What a laundry list of inquiries, ranging from questioning and attempting to label emotions to querying mental health and diagnosis. We as therapists are pleased that people are becoming more aware of their emotions and mental health, and how they both impact their day to day habits and quality of life. We also worry that the feelings of hopelessness and the overwhelming volume of information on mental health that is all over the internet can actually exacerbate symptoms, rather than providing comfort or relief.
There are literally thousands of tools, therapy interventions and medical treatments used to assess, diagnose and treat depression that need to be utilized by a trained professional. There are also many valid informational and educational pieces on depression out there that you can use to first sort through the symptoms you are experiencing, gain an understanding of the severity of them, learn how to assess and incorporate day to day habits that may help ease symptoms, and finally help you to make informed decisions about seeking professional support.
Here is one, from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), that provide useful information on depression, diagnosis, coping and treatment. Remember that this is not to be used as a substitute for professional advice and support, but it is from an accredited, professional organization that aims to educate so that you can self-assess before making decisions about reaching out for support.
I think I am depressed…now what?
One of the most studied and supported treatments for depression comes from psychiatrist Aaron Beck, called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). To put it very simply, one of the pillars of CBT is the Cognitive Triangle. This triangle helps us examine the intertwined relationship between our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. When you are doing CBT with a trained professional, you are learning how to identify negative and intrusive thoughts that impact how you feel about yourself, your situation and your relationships, which in turn impact the choices you make about how you behave or respond. Again, professional support to help with this triangle is just one of the keys to managing depression, but doing a self-assessment check-in on your own can be a powerful way to understand whether or not to seek professional support to confirm a diagnosis, or treatment to help manage these thoughts and make some changes for the better.
Check Your Thoughts
Many of us resort to googling information on any issue we are faced with, whether it be a leaky faucet or our mental health. We do this because it feels safer to “DIY” our problem, so that we don’t have to say it out loud (because that makes it more real), and so we can hopefully find a solution that we hope will be an easy fix. The other reason we often start with Google is because we are feeling some shame around the issue and the act of even asking for help. Many of us hold longstanding and firmly planted beliefs around the concept of admitting to a problem (think perfectionism) and asking for help (think “weakness”, “incompetence”, and feeling “less than”).
Challenge yourself to really identify your thoughts around what you are experiencing, and how these thoughts may be roadblocking your ability to manage your moods, relationships and overall functioning. It is so easy to believe everything that pops into our heads. The truth is, a lot of what we think about ourselves is hyper-critical, and is driven by fear and shame. Newsflash: we don’t have to listen to these messages!
Check Your Feelings
As therapists, we hear clients using “negative self-talk”, whether it be out loud, or in their heads to put themselves down, name call, and shame themselves for experiencing what are actually normal and healthy feelings. Throughout the pandemic, many of us have resorted to “numbing behaviours” such as scrolling through our phones or Netflix bingeing because we have just not had the will or the energy to identify feelings, much less actually feel them! If this sounds like you, try to get into the habit of asking yourself “what am I actually feeling right now?” Identifying the feeling and actually naming it will help you manage it, rather than pushing it further within by seeking quick fix and feeling-numbing behaviours that actually take us into a perpetual shame spiral of negative self-talk.
Check Your Behaviours
Here comes your mother’s, fitness instructor’s, therapist’s, doctor’s voice: get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, eat your vegetables, go for a walk, and practice mindfulness. “YUP, got it,” you are saying (me too). The issue for most of us is not that we need this knowledge, it is ensuring that we actually practice these behaviours.
Let’s go back to the thoughts part of this cognitive triangle. When we are feeling depressed, our minds generally block out these simple, yet challenging habits which we know in our heads will help us feel better. Depression can almost act like a magnet that keeps us attached to our bed, sofa, phone or computer screen, thereby blocking out the will to incorporate habits that will naturally increase the happiness chemicals in our brains and will contribute to us feeling even a little better. Again, the shame-spiral of knowing that you already know what to do to feel better but not being able to push yourself to actually do it is activated, thus leaving you feeling further down and depressed.
Just having a basic understanding of this cognitive triangle can be helpful to become more self-aware of our feelings, moods and behaviours. The smallest bit of self-awareness and the tiniest of changes is progress. Drinking one glass of water instead of none, reaching out to a friend to walk and talk, or getting into bed 15 minutes earlier than usual is all part of living the change.
So if you are reading this and still asking yourself whether or not you need help to cope with this post-pandemic reality, the answer is YES! We all do. The past two years have been a harrowing and traumatic experience for every single one of us. For some, emotional and mental health issues that existed before the pandemic have increased in intensity and severity. For others, the current set of circumstances has led to new and uncomfortable emotions that have taken a toll on quality of life.
Seeking the support of a qualified, experienced therapist will help you sort through your own cognitive triangle and make choices around the next steps to take to alleviate the symptoms on one end of the spectrum, to seeking out more intensive and long-term interventions on the other. Regardless, reaching out for professional help will ensure you are getting outside of your head and that you are not walking the path to feeling better all alone.Learn More
Back to School. Back to Normal?
We’re currently three months into the new school year and it is evident that this has been yet another different year for parents, caregivers, educators and of course, children. The COVID pandemic is still going strong and there are many new protocols within schools that have been put in place to attempt to keep children and families safe. Although they are there to ensure safety, these changes and protocols can be scary and overwhelming for all involved. Let’s talk about some of these stressors and what parents, caregivers and educators can do to help.
Families had to make an often difficult choice between virtual learning and in person learning. Both have many pros and cons and can bring up anxiety for children and teens. These worries might be larger and more intense than past years because of the complexities of the current global pandemic.
Here are some common worries for children and teens returning to school that we have been seeing in our therapy sessions:
- The thought of sitting in a classroom can feel overwhelming after not being around many others for the past school year
- Having to wear masks all day
- The fear of COVID and/or getting sick
- Worrying that they don’t know enough because of the gaps in learning that happened during the lockdown
- Feeling worried about reconnecting to friends that they haven’t spoken to in a while due to being out of school and out of touch with others
- Communication can be overwhelming in general as we have been isolated during the past school year
- For those folks doing virtual learning, there’s worries about turning on their camera and gaining the confidence to participate virtually
- Worries about how to feel connection with teachers and fellow students in the virtual learning space
What can parents and caregivers do to help?
It’s really important, perhaps now more than ever, that parents and caregivers are listening to their children and teens and validating their emotions/worries. Here is a quote that may put things into perspective:
“Validating involves putting yourself in your loved one’s shoes and conveying understanding of their experience as they are experiencing it. This involves imagining what the situation must be like for them. It is important to accept, allow, and validate emotions that are different from what you expected or that are hard for you to understand.” Steps of Emotion Coaching – Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org)
To create connections and an open environment for sharing both the positive and the negative, Parents and caregivers can ask questions to their children and teens like:
- How is school going?
- What’s going well?
- What’s been hard for you?
You may also ask questions about what your child is worried about. It’s useful to explore worries in a curious way. Ask lots of questions and really try to understand what’s going on from your child or teens perspective. Here are some examples:
If you child or teen is having difficulty being around other people or connecting to others sometimes the best thing can be to help them gain exposure to being around others in a gentle way:
- Take them out for a hot chocolate and help them practice ordering
- Include them in grocery shopping and checking out with the cashier
- Set up a time to go for a walk outside with another family or friend
Providing education about COVID and mask wearing can sometimes be enough for an anxious mind that is worried about getting sick.
- Talk about what happens in your child or teen’s body when anxiety shows up- name and label those thoughts, emotions and body sensations
- Teach your child or teen about ways to breath to slow down their body (box breathing, paced breathing), or ways to ground when in class (drop anchor, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 game)- lots of short videos are available on Youtube of these strategies and then practice them together
Equally important is for parents and caregivers to recognize and validate their own worries and stressors about this school year, as the effects from this pandemic impact everyone. Do your own wellness check:
- Check in with your own stress level and notice if you’re feeling able to coach and support your child through their own worries.
- Reach out to your own support systems and have open discussions about the things you’re struggling with and that your child or teen is struggling with. Likely other people in your social circle are experiencing similar things. Giving and receiving support is invaluable. It helps us feel less alone and gives us a place to share our feelings.
Our clinicians are skilled and are happy to help if anything you have read here sounds familiar to you. Remember that we have ALL been struggling over the past 18 months. Asking for help is the first step in making positive changes and recovering from the stress of this difficult time.
By Paige Sparrow MSW,RSWLearn More
Day Ten – Pressing The Re-Set Button on Your Family Life During Social Isolation
Nobody Is Perfect. End. Of. Story.
So while you’re at it, abandon perfectionism. Be kind to yourself and your family. The house will be messy, people will have to be convinced to bathe, you will eat junk, those long-standing house jobs will not get completed as quickly as you envisioned, if not at all. That’s alright. Go back to the values. I can safely guess that NOBODY came up with “Do All The Things” as their top family value.
Start with today. Look at these tips and take one hour at a time. Take it slow. Be forgiving. You can have do-overs. Each day is it’s own. Motivation will go up and down, moods will set in, energy levels will fluctuate. Find what works and do more of it when you can. Do less of what doesn’t. Know that what works one day will not work on another.
Alternate between doing what works and pushing the comfort zone to try new things, ways of coping and communicating… and then give a high five, regardless of the outcome.
Remember: your family WILL come out of this stronger, more connected and victorious. Surviving will mean thriving.
Day Nine – Pressing the Re-Set Button on Your Family Life During Social Isolation
Recognize that this is hard. These days may seem long. Making all the lists in the world does not help the work get done, the structure implemented and the values applied. Some days will just suck.
Moods, loneliness even when amongst the family, loss or reduction of connections with peers, sports, teachers, co-workers will take its toll. Recognize this and take a break. Pyjama days, Netflix marathons or extra screen time will be necessary. And that is ok. Fatigue will set in. Neither parents nor kids are required to be perfect. Just stop doing for a while.
These days are a gift (even though some days that feels like a stretch). Never before have we collectively had such a large chunk of time where we are ALL at home, without the normal day-to-day pressures being applied. It takes a while to get out of the achievement headspace (I MUST do something, I NEED to do this, I HAVE to get this done). Relax. Forgive yourself. We have NEVER BEEN THROUGH A PANDEMIC BEFORE! This is a choose your own adventure kind of thing!
Keep an eye out for emotions and talk about them. It will not be uncommon for many people (adults and kids alike) to feel sad, lonely, depressed and hopeless. This will happen, even in a house full of people who love us. Encourage connections with friends, co-workers and extended family. Ride the waves of emotions, and remember, that professional help is still out there, offered virtually.Learn More