Nobody Is Perfect. End. Of. Story.
So while you’re at it, abandon perfectionism. Be kind to yourself and your family. The house will be messy, people will have to be convinced to bathe, you will eat junk, those long-standing house jobs will not get completed as quickly as you envisioned, if not at all. That’s alright. Go back to the values. I can safely guess that NOBODY came up with “Do All The Things” as their top family value.
Start with today. Look at these tips and take one hour at a time. Take it slow. Be forgiving. You can have do-overs. Each day is it’s own. Motivation will go up and down, moods will set in, energy levels will fluctuate. Find what works and do more of it when you can. Do less of what doesn’t. Know that what works one day will not work on another.
Alternate between doing what works and pushing the comfort zone to try new things, ways of coping and communicating… and then give a high five, regardless of the outcome.
Remember: your family WILL come out of this stronger, more connected and victorious. Surviving will mean thriving.
Recognize that this is hard. These days may seem long. Making all the lists in the world does not help the work get done, the structure implemented and the values applied. Some days will just suck.
Moods, loneliness even when amongst the family, loss or reduction of connections with peers, sports, teachers, co-workers will take its toll. Recognize this and take a break. Pyjama days, Netflix marathons or extra screen time will be necessary. And that is ok. Fatigue will set in. Neither parents nor kids are required to be perfect. Just stop doing for a while.
These days are a gift (even though some days that feels like a stretch). Never before have we collectively had such a large chunk of time where we are ALL at home, without the normal day-to-day pressures being applied. It takes a while to get out of the achievement headspace (I MUST do something, I NEED to do this, I HAVE to get this done). Relax. Forgive yourself. We have NEVER BEEN THROUGH A PANDEMIC BEFORE! This is a choose your own adventure kind of thing!
Keep an eye out for emotions and talk about them. It will not be uncommon for many people (adults and kids alike) to feel sad, lonely, depressed and hopeless. This will happen, even in a house full of people who love us. Encourage connections with friends, co-workers and extended family. Ride the waves of emotions, and remember, that professional help is still out there, offered virtually.Learn More
Take some time to think about the vision you have for your family. Think back to when you looked at your sweet, delicate infants for the first time. I am sure you had dreams for your babies from day one. You jumped ahead to the distant future, picturing them as an astronaut, a physician or a judge. However, once reality kicked in, you knew that you needed to examine your family values and think about how you were going to instill the good habits, self-discipline and other characteristics such as empathy, sensitivity and kindness into that little human.
Then, the small person started to develop a mind of their own. You worked hard all day and had to dig deep to be consistent with applying the rules and guidelines you put in place in order to teach and instill those values. Your little human went to school, and then learned that there were plenty of people out there who did not share the same values, which set up a whole new set of obstacles for raising that well-rounded, self-disciplined, kind and caring human. Oh yeah, then they discovered the internet…
Fast forward to today. We are settling into a new lifestyle. Our world has slowed down, and we are limiting our contacts. Opportunities to re-acquaint ourselves with our families abound. Let’s talk tips for pressing the re-set button in your family and using this time to build strength.
Instructions: Take a half-hour at the dining room table to place these values in the “Absolute, not-up-for-discussion” pile, the “Nice to have, but not on top of the heap”, and finally the “Nice, but not important to us pile”. Next, review the piles, make sure your absolutes are clear and then pick your top ten and rank them. Those, my friends, are your family values.
P.S. If you really want to have fun, have everyone do their list independently and then reconvene to see what you came up with, and THEN figure out your top ten. This may take awhile…however consensus building helps foster co-operation, respect and the ability to agree to disagree.
Once you have your values secure, keep them on the fridge or in a central location. Littles or the more creative among you can create a poster using colour and images. You can frame it and everyone will commit to look at it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
How did you do? Did you learn anything about your family and the values that you hold individually and collectively?Learn More