Day Eight – Pressing the Re-Set Button on Your Family Life During Social Isolation
Prioritize humour and fun. Does your family love to laugh? I mean REALLY laugh? What makes the family laugh? “Dad” jokes? That elusive TV show or comedy that everyone can agree on? When my children were little, they had a hard time understanding why other families do not have “dance parties” in their kitchens and living rooms. The ability to be silly and “dance like nobody (except your immediate family who will laugh until they cry at mom’s moves) is watching builds connection, self-esteem and even risk-taking in a safe environment.
Give everyone a chance to dictate how the fun is incorporated into the daily routine. For example, my family each gets time to be “the DJ” when we are listening to music (or dancing). You can also choose games, activities, crafts, etc. as a way to learn about what each of you finds fun while teaching that we need to respect that we are all different and that learning something new is a good thing.
There have been some really funny (and accurate) YouTube videos on “COVID Coping” that are family-friendly. Take a look and laugh at yourselves!
Learn MoreDay Six – Moving From the Me to We
Team Building: Your family is a “We”. End of story. Even when you disagree, you fight, are hurt or overwhelmed, your family has your back. Talk about how each family member likes and needs to be supported. To borrow from John Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, learn the ways each member of your family wants and needs to feel appreciated and loved.
- Words of affirmation: showing love through how you speak, using words of encouragement, gratitude, positive reinforcement. How you speak to someone who needs words of affirmation can go a long way toward helping them feel appreciated.
- Quality time: Showing love by giving someone your full attention, by making an effort to spend time doing things they love to do. Carving out time shows you are interested and attentive.
- Receiving gifts: Showing love through small tokens of appreciation or gifts, such as a cup of tea, some flowers, chocolate…something that shows that person you know what they like. Making this person feel special will help them know they are in your thoughts.
- Physical touch: Hugs and kisses, hand-holding, a back rub all go a long way for someone who needs physical touch to feel loved and appreciated
- Acts of service: Doing nice things to help the other person out such as unloading the dishwasher, putting gas in their car, taking the garbage out. This person needs help with the overwhelm to know you care.
The biggest mistake most of us make is assuming our partners, kids, friends, etc. speak the same language as we do. We think we are doing nice things to show we care, and they seem to fall flat. That is because we are doing what WE would like to have done for us.
This applies to both adults and kids! Talk about what each of you needs and wants in order to feel heard, special, appreciated and loved! It is amazing how relationships can be strengthened when you speak the other person’s love language.
Learn MoreDay Four – Bumps in the Road: Applying Values and Family Rules to Your Day to Day.
This is the hard part. Start by acknowledging that NOBODY is perfect.
Parents will screw up, and kids will screw up. When we are hurt, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, we are ripe for screw-ups. Think about this (and teach your kids to as well). When you are feeling like you are “losing it”, ask yourself these HALT questions:
Am I Hungry
Am I Angry
Am I Lonely
Am I Tired
I also add an “O”…Am I Overwhelmed!
If you are any one, a few, or ALL of the above, walk away and don’t try to hash it out. Talk about this, and think about the concepts of emotional regulation and forgiveness. Can you make it acceptable and even encouraged to “walk away” from a disagreement or conflict without being accused of avoiding? Calmer heads prevail. How families manage conflict is a life-long lesson that will foster communication, connection and will serve children well outside of the family.